My Life in a Holding Pattern

Sometimes I think I need to go back and read my own book. You would think that, since I wrote it, I would have a good handle on “loving the life I have.” And yet, I still fall into the thought of wanting things to be different.

For years I ran, and later owned, a small hotel. It was a beautiful building and a good life. But I remembered and longed for the house of my dreams that I had left behind in Houston. I was satisfied…. but I still thought I would be happier with that house and that lifestyle.

Then one day I remember coming down the stairs and looking out at the hotel as if seeing it for the first time. Suddenly I realized all that it had given me; A beautiful place to live (I had a great loft on the top floor) and an easier lifestyle that allowed time for friends and reflection. Guests came and went. There had been great conversations. And… for the first time I realized that I loved the life I’d been given, even though I would have never chosen it in a million years.

I sold the hotel 2 years ago. By default, I moved into the only other property I owned. It’s a huge 100 year old Victorian home. I had purchased it as an investment property with the intent of flipping it and finding a house more in keeping wtih my personal style. I’ve had it on the market for over 2 years  while I’ve lived in a holding pattern…. waiting to land where I really belong. Certainly it is not here, I’ve been thinking.

This morning I woke up with the sun shining in my windows, a cool breeze lifting up the curtains. I jumped in the shower, got dressed and came down stairs as if for the first time. Walking thru the rooms, I felt at home for the first time since I’ve lived here. I felt at home! Happy, blessed and thrilled that I live here!

If you know me, when I am really trying to get something done and it doesn’t happen, I eventually start to consider the possiblity that God wants me there in that place, in that circumstance, for some reason. That definitely does not mean that I’m happy about it, but I do consider it.

But today the gift arrived!!!!! I walked downstairs and, for the first time, fell madly and deeply in love with my home. It’s been hours now and I still feel close to tears over the whole experience.  I know this feeling will remain beacause I’ve felt it before. ……a few times; In my business when I finally realized I was there to love the people who worked for me… In the hotel and now here, in this old Victorian home so unlike ‘the modern-art me.’  Once again, something I would have never thought could make me happy has given me a joy I would never have imagined.  Happy Sunday! Happy House! Happy ME!

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